Timeless- as an unbiased courtesy I don't read other votes. That said, this piece confused me in a few ways. I wanna say the protagonist and his girl both tried out for the force. She was a low life, he was motivated. However, she made it and he didn't. Then he killed himself... and her? Not sure. The passage dragged on in a dull cadance and some parts didn't rhyme well. The ideas could have been better worded and more interestingly put to draw in the reader. Though this verse wasn't bad, it definitely was not your best. I just feel like this angle came off very unnatural for you and that's why the execution was a little off. I don't know. Good effort though.
YDK- wow. Not sure where to go with this. I liked the second half of this for the shock and the fact that a bunch of big words seemed to just be crammed into the first half kinda desperately. That's how it felt reading it at least. Decent rhyming overall though, and even though it ended on a bitter point, it was a pretty cool story. I think more could have been added for the volume of verse you had, but like I said, I still liked it as is. This wasn't terrific, but it wasn't that bad either as far as overall execution and subject matter. Good stuff.
I think I've seen better from both of you guys, but I found things to like about both pieces. Thank you guys for showing. MVGT YDK.
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Ahem.
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