ZeeDee. You probably could've went 300 lines easy. Your writing is effortless. Mechanics are cool. The progression was nice. You went from a by the book lecture to your own interpretation to a "this topic is way over my head. what have I got myself into. I'm just going to segway this somehow" mode. I actually liked the last part of the rhyme cause it was almost like a step back and it showed more personality than your attempt at public knowledge. Now this is being super critical. You can write well. I may have different standards or see things another way. I thought this was straight.
IAmBent; This was some bach shit. The story was wicked man. It captivated me. It was a mezzanine view of a great play. It wasn't engaging from a front row sense. Not enough minor details in those nooks and crannies to really spell bound. You did have sections, in which, I will quote, where I felt it was awesome.
Quote:
And as he streaked, into the night, mutton grease in his right,
She easily spied St. John's Arm, outreaching the Light,
Which she heaved in delight, to redeem her silvery prize
From a merchant with sin in his heart and deceit in his eyes...
Lost in thought, they haunt his shop with reports of flames
Such a shock when a shrug's his response to the scorching blaze
"What a calm this man has as the city burns to ash...!
We sift in filth and trash...the Merchant's palace has no scratch.."
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MVGT IAmBent
epic battle......