Innovator. Tough verse. Rough around the edges. I read about how you never use spell check. Yeah. Verse does off come off a little cave man. Shit ain't that sophisticated but you catering to a certain reader. Once you build your vocabulary you will see a major improvement in your skill set. You have a writers voice, it's there. Just need to read more, write more. You have a raw quality to your shit. Just keep at it. Stay away ION/ATE endings for a while. Start breaking out of that comfort zone. Some quotes
Quote:
The spark of light flickers innate inspiration that has been lying in wait
Giving legs to what I contemplate, now my thoughts run in place
As they are the ones who dictate the outcome of this mental race
Chasing a prize illusive in nature but visible to the makers eyes
Making my visions appear in a physical high chasing the pens stride
Euphoric senses creating a fantastic scene that’s ecstatic so it seems
Electric beams from my inner sanctum pushing my plots towards the suns gleam
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Patrown. Good attempt at story telling. You need to start writing like you vote. Practice what you preach. You have a wider range of vocabulary and insight in your votes, then you do in your verses. How is that? Set aside 2-3 hours and really go the distance this next week. Full bodied verse. Physche your self up. Concentrate your approach. Judge yourself as if you are a spectator. And remember. Be creative/real/serious/funny/thoughtful/depressing/triumphant/political. Don't limit yourself. Some quotes
Quote:
Not a single thought brought opposition to a hammer cocked back
No idea his father’d go to the slammer for leavin the lock off his gat
Just two shots and a splat, blood painted the walls
Because the hatred held inside hadn’t been resolved
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MVGT Innovator