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Old 03-26-2013, 06:25 PM   #12
Frank
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Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



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Innovator. Tough verse. Rough around the edges. I read about how you never use spell check. Yeah. Verse does off come off a little cave man. Shit ain't that sophisticated but you catering to a certain reader. Once you build your vocabulary you will see a major improvement in your skill set. You have a writers voice, it's there. Just need to read more, write more. You have a raw quality to your shit. Just keep at it. Stay away ION/ATE endings for a while. Start breaking out of that comfort zone. Some quotes

Quote:
The spark of light flickers innate inspiration that has been lying in wait
Giving legs to what I contemplate, now my thoughts run in place
As they are the ones who dictate the outcome of this mental race
Chasing a prize illusive in nature but visible to the makers eyes
Making my visions appear in a physical high chasing the pens stride
Euphoric senses creating a fantastic scene that’s ecstatic so it seems
Electric beams from my inner sanctum pushing my plots towards the suns gleam
Patrown. Good attempt at story telling. You need to start writing like you vote. Practice what you preach. You have a wider range of vocabulary and insight in your votes, then you do in your verses. How is that? Set aside 2-3 hours and really go the distance this next week. Full bodied verse. Physche your self up. Concentrate your approach. Judge yourself as if you are a spectator. And remember. Be creative/real/serious/funny/thoughtful/depressing/triumphant/political. Don't limit yourself. Some quotes

Quote:
Not a single thought brought opposition to a hammer cocked back
No idea his father’d go to the slammer for leavin the lock off his gat
Just two shots and a splat, blood painted the walls
Because the hatred held inside hadn’t been resolved
MVGT Innovator
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