[Certain]

Rap is full of demarcations, obvious beginning and end points to verses, hooks and bridges. That allows for this strange practice of collaborative writing that isn't very collaborative at all. When journalists double-byline an article, they work together to ensure the story flows properly and reads well. When songwriters collaborate, they often fight and slog and edit through the words of the song until everyone is happy with every word, or at least happy enough.

Here, in this form but also in rap as a whole, the participating writers don't work together as much as they work against each other. We're always talking about who had the better verse, who dominated the proceedings. There's very little if any peer-editing done in this form. So there's a balance that must be attained, between creating a unified piece and protecting the integrity of the writers.

dead man recently has pushed past the traditional collaborative boundaries, and he did it here again. He's honed in on aspects of his partner's verses, as he did in a piece with El Pancake a few months ago, and spun them into his own verses. In a way, he's writing about his partner's writing. He's maybe even parodying them, though not in a cruel sense but rather in the imitative style of zygote. Except rather than matching formats and rhyme schemes and diction choices, he's hitting on the same content.

That makes this, like your other collaboration recently, a bit unique. Split may be the most internalized writer I've come across on these sites, drawing out scenes that only he can picture much in the way James Joyce did in his final two novels. Accessibility is not the intention. So dead man sweeps in and writes out his own references to Monika (the titular character in another Split verse) and Acid Rain and elysium and whiskey and more.

So does that deepen or cheapen the reference points? I think there's a fair debate for each. Split's writing being so personal makes it more difficult to assess meaning to his own set of allusions. But dead man is such a talented and open writer that he can create new interpretations that expand the original reference points.

With all of that said, I'm not sure this particular piece brought out the best in either of you. Split had more holes in his wording than usual, playing around with unusual sentence structure that sometimes caused some bumpiness. And dead man lacked the energy that comes through his best work. Part of that could be the aforementioned collaborative process. But let's take a quick look at the verse.

ive had acid rain on a permanent loop.
and the rhymes still resurface in two's.
i wonder if consonance has deeper significance.
in truth, speech at its synthesis as profound
as fountains are deep. missives expound
on mountains of me. & the echo is sobering.

The subject of the sentence beginning in the fourth line is a bear, blurring the poignancy. Also, in this section, the verbs are "had," "resurface," "has," "are," "expound" and "is." A better verb would have been an easy solution to that problematic sentence.

stencils, I'm totaling up to rough drafts of dreams.
the sketchy half- between asks us for audacity
to stop casting deep. expectations can cede.

This was a little muddled as a whole.

i stare at my handwriting and can't see the progression.
I care for my family and can't beat the depression.
genetics dictate the alpha omega
in nostalgic arrangements. bloodline in cursive.
once, I was perfect. every memory tessellates in
a memorial collage with the softest inertia.
the story of god is a process of learning.

This was the standout section by far. The balance between the more simplistic concept to open this section with the complex ones to close it was nice, and the progression was buitl smoothly through, again, strong verbs. My only qualm comes with the word "memorial" in the penultimate line.

rum runs deeper than wine. troughs & capillaries.
noxious adversary. when I leave her tonight,
tomorrow will gloss in the streaks of her eye.
graduate thesis on sadness & bullshit.

There had to be a girl involved, of course. I liked the third line quite a bit. The rest is sort of Split-by-the-numbers.

I capture it well. waxing some grievance.
I'm an adjective cultist with a rack of condolence.
talk, & you can tell it exists. tap & control it.
artificial alive. intelligence simmed
like a season of 'chell. and seldom, it sticks,
wisdom drifts through your mind,
appeasing yourself is a sin & I'm a demon from hell.

This felt weirdly like pseudo-intellectual braggadoccio.

i'm tethered to fabienne. monika. the seat of the bell
till the last one rings & boy meets world.
phony is honest. pitch the inflection. catch her in rye.
Elysium lives as a trick of your mind

There was plenty of good in this closer, though "the seat of the bell" was a bit clunky as it lacked a verb. Your stanza felt a bit unsettled and loose as a whole.

i've had Manson Family skipping the vinyl.
ticking as time, religiously since 6:45
Snake Eyes and Sissies alike. let the children inside,
serve dinner, then dine. roll cigarettes. flames flicker and die
bonfire blacken the sky. cornhusk whiskey and pine
bending over paperbacks with delicate spines

One of the more obvious differences between you and Split is in your preferred world images. You love to write about a past era, these sort of images strewn throughout most of your verses. You set a good tone for your verse here.

you say it's literature, fine. i say it's documentation
the impossible playlist - ideology on a constant rotation
forgotten and naked. drink half a bottle and chase it
drop a little honey. let the colony taste it

This is the best part of the entire piece. I loved the first two lines as an explanation of reading and the last two lines as a perfectly phrased image and wordplay.

broken clock with a facelift. bells toll for honesty's sake
buzzing on the table. time to call in your favors
who's at fault for behavior? is it the martyr or savior?
follow monika's gaze. solemnly. it's part of her nature
to empathize from distances and fake it in person
let her cherry glow in darkness to create a diversion
feel her breath rise like worship. our embrace, so imperfect
lungs break beneath the weight of inertia. exhale again

This was very sensual and well-written, but I think it's here that some of the emotion falls flat.

see, this life has a funny way of making me nervous
so let me sleep, only to wake at the service. dearly departed:
may you rise above delirium often. it's a parallel doctrine --
rainwater in harvest season, tears in a coffin
may your spirit pass, untarnished towards wherever you'd like

This segment didn't work for me because it broke your voice a little bit, taking a slightly more conversational tone perhaps? I'm not sure. It was off, slightly.

once i left you tonight, i knew you'd never return
let my corneas burn. acid rainstorm weather resurge
listen once again and watch the memories blur
its all eventually dirt. eventually's a helluva word
condemning tomorrow. embalming present, preserved

I loved this section, though, as it flowed off the tongue perfectly and had a really cool concept.

we'll all eventually learn. we're trading karma for goods
listen closely. Skull Kid's alive. still lost in the woods
woodwind melody to marinate the mourners maraude
who praise Elysium, but realize it's all a mirage.

This was an interesting way to end, going back to the previous discussion of how far we unite the two stanzas in a collaboration. But it did feel a little forced, particularly the elysium callback.