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Old 07-19-2014, 02:01 PM   #3
Mitch
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This was interesting, you're deep, definitely a sage/magus/elder mind/soul/being...

The rhyme scheme overall was good. These lines had very interesting rhyme scheme, mainly because of "mutual - future re... - used for tr...". It would've sounded better if "used for tr-ansforming paradise into this planet sooner" was "used for the transformation of paradise into this planet sooner" because "used for the" is a cleaner rhyme to "mutual" and "future re" than "used for tr":

"I'm Learning to Exist without the Yearning to Piss. It's tough when I feel like Purging Intestines.
Worldly Friendships of mine are as dusty as my Persian Rugs. My Burning Love for Serving God is unrequited because the Love isn't Mutual.
To transcend both the Past and Future requires that the present be thrown to the Thrash and Used For transforming paradise into this Planet Sooner.
I find myself gazing into the Distant Lunar Seeking Views Of the unheard of so I can become Eden's Buddha, in utter equanimity even when I'm Breathing Putrid."

Heaven wine line was sick. I'm looking forward to your next post.
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