Here we go with the rematch... Saved this battle for last.
CK:
Quote:
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When one swallows their pride it’s a feast fit for Pharaohs'
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Hell of an opener. The circle jerk of burning flesh line got a shudder out of me... not a pleasant image.
You really have a way of piecing all the writing mechanics together in a seamless manner and this verse was a good example of knowing when to emphasize what mechanic.. from imagery, to the rhymes, and even the onomatopoeia which is not as often used. I hate saying this, and maybe I'm not picking up on things I would if I wasn't tired, but there really isn't much of anything I could point out as needing improvement.. Great verse overall.
Kuja:
Gotta admit, I felt a bit cheated at the end. I was expecting a murder. And you robbed me of it. (kidding, kind of.)
Story was definitely creepy. You did a great job giving us the backstory and drawing us in... slowly building up to the eventual climax, only to end it with a twist that I didn't expect. Picked up on a wording issue in two spots or so.. ie "when he was sat one carriage away" pretty sure that's not what you intended to type.. but it wasn't a big deal. I found the fact that you decided to name the coaster "the death" to be hilarious for some reason
Both people brought it like i knew they would, though i have to be honest.. i've seen kuja drop better before (not that this piece wasn't good) and overall.. CK came harder this time
Vote: CK