ZenLand: After reading this piece... I felt myself wanting to see more... The rhymes were everywhere, and that helped carry the piece through at a steady clip, but the rhymes weren't particularly amazing themselves (not bad by any means, though). The first half reminded me of Strange Fruit.. but I think where I felt it was lacking was the transition to him picking up music.. it just came too easily when placed right after the scene you painted before it and I wished the story was more fleshed out in that respect.
c.d.m:
Quote:
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Listened to the lies that painted love with a bad name,
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was nice.
Compared to ZenLands, yours was a more even tempered piece.. Less focus on the rhyming, more focus on the actual idea you were trying to convey... The way you laid this out allowed for some lines to hit really hard.. but with that in mind, some lines didn't pack quite the punch as others did..
This is actually a pretty tough decision... At first I wanted to give it to cdm.. then I read the verses again and leaned towards ZenLand.. And in the end, I'm going to give this to..
Vote- ZenLand. if cdm's lines were more tightened up, I think I would have given it to him hands down... but as it is, ZenLand had the overall better piece this time around..