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Old 07-08-2014, 01:00 AM   #12
Eŋg
rhyme capsule.
 
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this was a fun collab. the first verse had far too many adverbs in its schemes and the arrangement felt a bit shot. the second verse didn't try as hard and felt better for it. i liked the 'line between the two is awfully blurred' part. the third verse is an improvement for you witty. i thought that 'need a hoe' line was tight. the transitions could have been more fluid but you didn't really overcook anything. finally; the 'prose to a typist' line was probably a highlight for me. i'd always expect a memorable turn of phrase, or three, from you. this delivered. i'd agree with whoever said each had better offerings the second time.

and that this clashed instead of coinciding -- that can work for a collab, no doubt. i'd have personally liked to have seen each of you work with, or off of, each other more than just the interconnected rhythm from trailing verses.

i'm gonna write something when i'm in the mood to.
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