Netcees - View Single Post - Round 1: 12. Zenland vs. 5. King Ra. \\ King Ra. wins 4-2

Certain · 07-02-2014, 02:25 AM

This was an unusual battle that requires a departure from my usual strict format for voting with a little before the breakdowns. Both of you took the easiest possible routes on a topic with a lot to offer. That was disappointing. Also disappointing was the feeling that neither of these verses were written in more than 30 minutes. Maybe that's not the case. But you both essentially wrote sketches of past verses, of verses that most distinctly follow your own writing styles. "Still I Rise" had so many possibilities for so many things. I'd hope both of you do better next round.

Zenland: The rhymes are a bit too slanted for my taste at times, but this was interesting from a rambling perspective. I can see the aspect of "Still I Rise" that you went with but feel you didn't make that phrase and/or concept as important an embodying force in your verse as simply bouncing from free association to free association. This is a very undisciplined verse, not nearly as complex as the works of dull boy and his close group of friends in either content or execution. The only memorable line at all was about Liam Neeson, and that was for humor more than anything. Emotional resonance was lacking because there wasn't much specificity, more like turns of phrases from 1997 Eminem and Cage rhyme books. And a lot of the rhymes were slanted to the point that they didn't work or barely worked.

King Ra.: This just didn't seem inspired at all. It's a subject matter I've seen you handle far more deftly several times in the past. Here it seemed like you went for a really easy opening statement without much else. No story was told, at least not with clear specifics or anything like that. The rhymes were crisp, but the phrasing felt trite, like something I've been reading on these sites for years. (The obsession with mythology of various sorts on these text boards is weird. No one ever wants to write about normal-ass people doing normal-ass things.) The advantage you had was that the topic fit perfectly with this take. There was no doubt that "Still I Rise" was at the very heart of this verse.

Vote: King Ra.

07-02-2014, 02:25 AM	#9
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	This was an unusual battle that requires a departure from my usual strict format for voting with a little before the breakdowns. Both of you took the easiest possible routes on a topic with a lot to offer. That was disappointing. Also disappointing was the feeling that neither of these verses were written in more than 30 minutes. Maybe that's not the case. But you both essentially wrote sketches of past verses, of verses that most distinctly follow your own writing styles. "Still I Rise" had so many possibilities for so many things. I'd hope both of you do better next round. Zenland: The rhymes are a bit too slanted for my taste at times, but this was interesting from a rambling perspective. I can see the aspect of "Still I Rise" that you went with but feel you didn't make that phrase and/or concept as important an embodying force in your verse as simply bouncing from free association to free association. This is a very undisciplined verse, not nearly as complex as the works of dull boy and his close group of friends in either content or execution. The only memorable line at all was about Liam Neeson, and that was for humor more than anything. Emotional resonance was lacking because there wasn't much specificity, more like turns of phrases from 1997 Eminem and Cage rhyme books. And a lot of the rhymes were slanted to the point that they didn't work or barely worked. King Ra.: This just didn't seem inspired at all. It's a subject matter I've seen you handle far more deftly several times in the past. Here it seemed like you went for a really easy opening statement without much else. No story was told, at least not with clear specifics or anything like that. The rhymes were crisp, but the phrasing felt trite, like something I've been reading on these sites for years. (The obsession with mythology of various sorts on these text boards is weird. No one ever wants to write about normal-ass people doing normal-ass things.) The advantage you had was that the topic fit perfectly with this take. There was no doubt that "Still I Rise" was at the very heart of this verse. Vote: King Ra. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.