[dead man]

her curves - how they tortured me! moans the sound of her sorcery

cuz truth only reciprocates upon the burden to set it free

then here's a table to model the old "tomato" "to-motto"

feeling young and used erupted in emotional learning speed
cuz everyone's entitled to their own insecurities

her closed eyes against my blank stare - the romance of detachment
frantic, erratic, Cupid misfired with the aiming of a musket

what i've chosen to do is simply outline the most jarring and impactful thoughts or ideas in the verse. i think big baby makes a great point in the comfort of the rhyme. its sort of our blueprint and the formula gets easier to fall into. the segments I've quoted above are the points at which you forged out nuggets of wisdom or powerful statements regardless of the rhyme you chose to employ. i think one of your best qualities as a writer (blog, verse, anything) is to translate your experiences and perspectives into an accessible voice. you articulate well in the written word, you're a born communicator. some are and some are not.

you employ really intentional characteristics to your verses like overarching themes and stanza structure that more or less follows your rhyme-scheming. it is a pro and a con. the former because it gives us a comfortable sense of organization and reliability as a reader. its like walking into a mcdonalds in any state - we may order something different, the crowd and the employees and the accents will be new, but we're entering expecting a certain level of familiarity. the latter is true because this is not always what you want to establish for yourself as a writer of any kind. there is a certain brilliance and reception to novelty that draws people inwards. I'm not calling you the mcdonalds of OM by any means - youve evolved and developed your stylistic intuitions a LOT since we've been acquainted. you are a novel creature like any of us. all i mean to express is the fine line between comfort and stagnation. if i may borrow the term from da bb.

the final stanza left me feeling a bit sketchy about the entire verse because of your language choice. 'detachment' and 'misfire' to be exact.

their negative connotation seems to contradict the rest of your sentiments and almost makes me reconsider your thoughts on popping the question. interested to hear you expound on that a bit.

congratulations again btw man. i know i was clowning in that other verse but word. shit is scary and it definitely takes cojones to make that commitment.

thanks, and stay up



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