ZeeDee when going for a non-fiction topical writing it feels as if you needed be more focused to make it work. Reading it and found myself wavering because the focus of the subject matter was moving around too much. Perhaps you tried to take on too much within the line limit, from the rise of Roman Empire to the rise of Masonic order, it seemed too ambitious. Best section was when you were directly focusing on describing a narrow series of events, such as "Ptolemy Caesar" line to the "authors designed" line. It was impressive and personally always enjoy these non-fiction approaches.
IambenT, a great part was the change of writing in the speaking quotations the whole "do not waver, Hurry, labor to the men whose rattled sabers, battle rapiers," section gave a rich mental image of a crusader knight. Only criticism is the word "Sheriff" seems inconsistent with the time setting, because Sheriff seems more suited to Western Americas era. But that is just a very minor criticism. Voted for IambenT.
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