Quote:
Originally Posted by Bags
Lol u banged a guy in his dream
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lol I also thought this was about someone getting roofie'd in a masonic lodge or something.
You've rich ideas in your arsenal, and that should be recognized, but your wording at times is poor, kind of like a problem I have at times. You don't focus on eloquence at key times and you sort of let your content huff and puff until inflexible bubbles form during transitional segways.
In example, this section:
Quote:
I traveled to teach a lesson to a man at the request of a friend
^where did you travel? A setting would maximize the entire storyboard.
Disguised behind a shamans mask I had a test for this man
Friend/man don't rhyme, but I guess they do slightly.
Skepticism vanished and I handed sedatives digested by him
^What types of sedatives?
Then met him at the crest of his REM sleep to suppress who I am
Dissected his perspectives and I left him re-invented
And sent a piece of me in the tea that I fed him so I'm deep in his thoughts
^last line is interesting.
When his dream was conjured I talked, reached him via ominous stream of consciousness
^I didn't like this line, too choppy. Especially the first half.
His familiar fear was obvious, regardless hes peering onwards, mirrored confidence
^'Familiar fear' was lost on me.
My thought pattern walked through his skull, lessons spawned and truth taught
Until he said, 'I think I know who you are', we both nod and move on.
^Ehhh. I don't sense a connection was truly made.
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You might like the book Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. It's exceptional and you may be able to relate to it in your spiritual search.
Keep doing you