"Jesus, tears fill my face from my eyes. I'm all alone, chained to my pride. I went on a walk thinking on my life. At first I thought of ways to try and make her mine. That wouldn't happen. Give it a break. I sighed."
The way you portrayed the emotional response to rejection was really involving. I think most human beings go through these trials. Accessible, good rhyming, similar to oatmeal's strengths. A little more metaphorical experimentation would work well for you, methinks.
Keep doing you
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