Very descriptive in its delphian prose. I liked the way it picked up towards the end
Quote:
choke. nostrils run a yolky yellowish tinge
keystroke letter syringe. soak. she wrote a heroin binge
leaking larynx fluid onto canvas for paint
savage and saint. eating passion fruit and masking the pain
candlestick imaginative on paraffin page
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You're exclusive when it comes to the descriptive end using a set scene of chemist like captions. Paraffin, leaking larynx fluid, 'wrote' a heroin binge, EATING passion fruit, and MASKING the pain. Candlestick. There's a word for all this, it's a descriptive end of things that shows a personable action through words, verbs, adjectives alike. It's tricky but it's effective. This seemed a little bit less black, and a little more inspired. Or maybe evolved black? I liked the scene setting in the beginning but it wrote a bit too condensed in where I think the descriptive sentience made it a bit to overwhelming for the reader to grasp; and even when it was grasped it just seemed a bit less full of context and more full of concept.
You became vintage and started targeting the human psyche. The human warp, you used an onslaught of the differentiating aspect of contrast and worked it to your advantage. Cool
Quote:
because it never feels the same. the worst addiction is change
but that's nature and it stays. human conditions are strange
nothing like the sciences could ever explain. like
if April can extinguish a particular flame
we'll abandon dry shelter just to sit in the rain
sit with me and speak beneath the willow at 5
limbs warping under pressure like developing minds
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Your writing has this certain spin to it that encapsulates the feeling, and paints a plateauing landscape that the reader can ride on, and not necessarily fall of. You suggest certain measures of the human aspect and question it without imposing a question - this is important for writers to do because the asking of questions isn't always in question form - and it denies the need for a consistent rhetorically asked statement. You tie in a certain picture and you stick to it, without using any weird obviously subtle tangents (which you did in the beginning, which wasnt as good as the end, obviously) sadness breeds creativity they say - I just wonder what other emotion breeds something that can captivate.