Patrown- i think your phrasing was pretty sick, save for a few misspellings. I think. The major problem with this piece is not the content, but the correlation between all the interesting thoughts. I think if this was more centrally focused, it could have definitely hit the nail on the head. Butt then again, I don't remember much of your past stuff really doing that anyway. All in all, interesting subject matter, ok rhyming and full of honest effort, even if it didn't feel completely satisfying. Good job and thanks for showing bro.
Soulstice- this took 1.5 reads and a topic reread to fully get what you did here. Pretty clever. Though, if looked at this from a diff angle, one could actually say that the topic could make this story a catch 22. My head is out there lol. Anyway, though a few details were ambiguous, the wording and imagery was well thought out and the shit he's in perspective were cool. I think a little more could be said to round out the characters, but the fact that you encompassed the topic so cleverly and still managed to flesh out a decently written plot is awesome. Your rhyming was it's great usual, even more so since this was a story format. I only had qualms with like two or three lines that came off a little unnatural to me: other kid's act... unleashed a disaster... etc. Great job. I'm happy you showed.
Great job guys. I liked both for high quality phrasing and imagery, but only one had that last I g impression that stuck with me. MVGT Soulstice.
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Ahem.
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