Cereal Killa - i was intrigued by the entire piece. especially the title. i almost want to say its about the rice itself. favorite lines..
Dirt; amongst most things, courses the canvas I dance with
On madness unanswered, I nurture a virtue with few chances
Of future worth and purpose that hurdle in an insolvent hole of inertia
and this felt particularly strong.\/
Underneath the transparent shell of each grain I meld
I feel I have fell victim and become the cancer itself
perhaps its rice being sold to an English speaking country? either way, i did spend some time trying to figure it out. so you did your job effectively. nice verse.
Johnathan Mercy - so we're depressed because of our tendency to think too much. those in power of our military (detonate weapons..?) instigate prejudice in citizens.. ok you're jumping around a bit and didn't really give me enough to grasp ahold of. i'm sitting here trying to decipher something which in my opinion, doesn't make a whole lot of sense. i enjoyed many of your phrases and the mechanics of your piece were entertaining. liked this ..
I should mention it: we've made several attempts at this
The extensive endeavors of clergymen and mentalists
getting coherent there. appreciate that, and enjoyed attempts-at-this/mentalists. clever.
the last stanza is stellar. i especially enjoyed this bit..
as long as their directors don't render them purposeless
- and throw their senses of self into temporal furnaces
fleetingly unfeeling for whatever sequence of upheavals
- vetoing provisions of their bread and their circuses
I see these feeble bipedal creatures in cathedrals
nice rhymes/layout, also good content. overall the piece in it's entirety adhered to cynical tone. I appreciate that this is very strong topical, but it didn't leave as much to the imagination as it demonstrated your mechanical aptitude. which is quite good, if I may. i'm not one to appreciate filler, but structure can be necessary to give the reader a more enjoyable experience. this i felt you lacked.
/v Cereal Killa was more entertaining in this battle. I say so because I was left wanting to understand, rather then.. feeling compelled to decipher. although mercy showcased his rhymes, I wasn't drawn in to his verse as much as CKs. very close match.
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