patrown: Though every part of this verse was interesting on its own, it never came together. The ending was solid but didn't feel like the full realization of the entire work as much as another strong segment. There wasn't a whole lot of ambition here, rather a sorting through thoughts on the general concept presented.
Soulstice: While I don't think you developed the emotional protagonist of the father well enough, the stuff about the school shooting was written in a very compelling way. The bluebirds line was particularly strong. I liked the way this tied into the topic, too. This was another fine example of your storytelling prowess, but it might have worked better to have done more to characterize the father.
Vote: Soulstice
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