Topic: Boys don't cry
Timeless - verse had a personal vibe to it. It reminded me of Oats piece on what hip hop meant to him and how it affected him. These type of pieces are generic in the real world of rap, but they are refreshing to read in these type of leagues because they are seldom told. In essence you went back to your 'roots' with this one. I enjoyed the freestyle like rhyme scheme (throwback/wrote raps) it went perfectly with the theme you trying to capture. I do think you could've developed the 3 loves of your life more, giving them each substantial, meaningful segments to really drive home the point or idea that you had. I like the turn of phrases from 'sentence' to 'sentence'. It gives the rhyme some unpredictability. Although some of the wording was below par. Climbing ladders down tainted roads? Rid you of your lone trap?? You'll find a new love and trust it long? Couple examples of poor wording. Think thoroughly before scribbling any old line. This piece is a good example of "it's the thought that counts"
Vividlyvague - sick idea. The execution was raw but the general concept was pretty twisted. The wording in a bunch of lines left much to be desired. It's a idea worth cleaning up and rewording because the buffalo Bill imagery was texas chainsaw massacre like. The idea of a. Transsexual son coming back as a woman to seduce his father before offing him was worthy of a psychiatrist session. Perverted thought process. Once you manage to write with a little more clarity your creativity will be unbounded and you will be an entertaining commodity.
Vote to VividlyVague with a mind boggling, head scratcher worthy of psychiatric evaluation.
__________________
VETWORK
|