Lookin like he put on moon-boots and jumped straight to hell.
Lookin like Savio Vega turned his basement into a bootleg Red Box.
This nigga smellin like burnt electronics and nursing home breakfast.
Stayed at a 5 star hotel once, that shit went to 2 stars until he checked out.
Randomly wins Hot Pocket eating contests.
Goes to Comic Con and sits up in the rafters like the old white dudes from the Muppets and criticizes anime cosplayers.
Has a pierced 3rd nipple named Lexington Andromeda.
Beat his dick and came during a Kids Bop commercial
His nephews decline sleepovers.
Went as Kung Fu Panda 3 Halloweens in a row, Black Shrek for the c-c-c-combo breaker.
Went camping once with one of the original members of Color Me Badd.
Brushed his teeth in a Burger King bathroom with a tampon dipped in Lysol.
His name in The Matrix is: S'morespheus
65 percent of his basement is set aside for his ever growing Skylanders collection.
Looking like a groundhog with an anti-seizure helmet sewed on.
Looking like an orange Snorlax
Makes grill cheese sandwiches with a curling iron
Won a lot of My Little Ponys on eBay and put them all into his butthole
Likes to dip pizza rolls in Nutella
Had his neck removed at age 11 during a failed BMX trick. Now he can only answer questions that are "no" and he looks like a ninja in a turtleneck.
Lost his virginity at age 14 to his Aunt's German Shepard: Max.
Looking like a broke Ferengi.
Outfit sponsored by: generic Hollister
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