Perp - you remind me of black. last week i thought for sure you were him lol but now you've seemed to the regressed to the mean (no offense, black is pretty much legendary lol). anyways, the flow was a little less tight and the concept a little less fleshed out compared to your effort last week. in this pieces were circularity is eminent I like to allude to the ending of the piece, which rewards the reader tremendously. there were some here but there could've been more. the opening stanza was really well written, but the middle read like a general boy-meets-girl piece still, even though it was a piece regarding a last gasp attempt at a lasting legacy through parenthood. really cool concept, could've worked on the circularity thing more (in the middle "storyline" part), and some wording was a bit strange, while others were very well selected ("finite dreams")
frank - the one rhyme all the way through thing was cool I was surprised you didn't use any words over and didnt really force anything. it stuttered occasionally but was still impressive. the concept was alright, the character was better. Her environment was well described, accentuating her motivation, and the whole career-then-kid motive juxtaposed with the risk of her "career moves" made for a character with some complexities, however
v - perp
i thought his concept was too good although he strayed from it to tell a [necessary] story. franks was worthy of a vote too but overall the better concept wins for me in this case
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