[Split]

Haha fucking dope battle

I started with Vivid.

Man, this verse was wild. Polar opposite of last week's verse. Very witty and well-worded. Flow wasn't crisp but was above the league average. I was reading it and had to double check who wrote it, which isn't a slight to you. I just mean that I had a lot of criticism last week and almost none this week.

"You will be chest hair-masculine, a smoking jacket and suit vest-wearing advocate
Of barehand bear hunting practices with enough stamina left to have a day's worth of paired masturbation!
Just imagine the bliss. This not an ad for a fix. This is power through anatomical exaggeration."

dope.

thought it was funny, especially the progression towards the end of the more sinister effects but also the lesser thought about ramifications and stigmas such as the painting of the typical sucker for this sort of scam being impotent as in boring/ uninteresting was a nice added touch


Certain.

opening scheme definitely showed a higher level of rhymage than viv. Some of your phrasing/imagery was unnatural because of how mismatched the words are. "Unglued the damages." "sandalwood candles and laminate frames." Cognitive dissonance from an unidentifiable tone/ mood. Fantastic rhythm tho.

It was open. And as Mat faced it, Rayanne asleep in his bosom,
he never wanted to leave but wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

Great concept in the second line w/ very elegant wording.

I guess the one thing that confuses me is the death of the model... they only last a week?

Also... backstory was lacking a tad

Why did his friends put him onto the whoremoon in the first place? He just needed to get laid, and fell in love? I feel as if Mat's connection to the model and the realization that the model was more to him than some fuk is cheapened by her death and also the way he treats her like an object in transporting her... It gave him an air of selfishness and also made me question how much of the original topic was truly explored... I don't see any change in the character. Good, if irony was the goal, but then it needed a slightly more explained conclusion. For me.


I dunno, I felt as though Certain told a bad story very well. I enjoyed Vividlyvague's writing a lot and the simplicity paid off

V/ Vivid