Quote:
Originally Posted by The Mind Assassin
Last line.
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I agree with this. The last line was very powerful. It was one of the few moments I've had reading people's writing and just thought damn. I'd leave better feed but I don't really know what to critique on in this really.
One thing that I've probably said before about your work is that your flow feels effortless. It's different than any other on the site I think and it distinguishes your writing from everyone else. The stops and pauses in the middle of lines helps the reader to know how YOU intended it to be read which is something that I think all other writers on the site need to work on. Especially me lol.
I do slightly agree with Frank. What I mean by that is that there seems to be an overarching theme in everyone of your works as of late giving off (in my opinion) the feeling of being disconnected with others. I remember one of your pieces you dropped earlier (but I can't remember the name of it right now) that had a line that went like, "I was lonely as ever as I followed the crowd". With the ending of this and other more subtle lines alluding to that same concept I could see how it could be apart of the same theme. This isn't a negative thing as we all write what we feel and usually we all have similar themes and emotions spread across our writing. Hell, I even took sections out of different verses I wrote and added them in random sections in separate works cuz, avant garde.
I didn't really have any critique on this work specifically so I decided to type up my feelings on your work as a whole lol. Enjoyed it as always. Peace.