illergicreaxion: The vignettes were great. The conclusion was not. You showed a real spark for language and rhyming with this verse, but you let yourself down by not pulling all your thoughts together into a powerful final stanza. That final stanza seemed to be as loose and disconnected as those vignettes, and the wording never approached anything memorable.
Frank: The obsession with one rhyme thing actually kind of worked for me here, much more than it did in the similarly over-rhyming verse against Nigma in The Winter Topical. I think the biggest reason for that is because I found this verse much funnier than that one. The sex descriptions were so far over the top that the phrasing had me smiling, albeit never really laughing. The ending was similarly ridiculous. This was such a weird story that it worked, and the way you used the double-entendre for the last line was clever. You know exactly how much you need to put in to every verse to win, particularly when an opponent drops early, and you did more than enough here while also taking time to experiment.
Vote: Frank
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
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