[Certain]

Vividlyvague: You claim that you need extra lines to do a story justice, but what you really need to do is organize your thoughts better and work on streamlining the narrative. What you had here was a really, really good framework for a story and plenty of interesting diction and rhyming that at times was great. But it all got lost way too often in the clutter. I think the last stanza in particular needed to be sussed out, and the entirety of the verse felt like it wasn't really organized properly. The beginning stanza was completely unnecessary, only setting the narrative framework (which could have been done in four lines or skipped over entirely). But that stanza was probably the best-written thanks to its slower pacing and focus on rhymes. Some of your verses read like sloppy Frank outtakes, this being a shining example. I prefer your more unique flavor, when you go a little less traditional narrative-heavy.

Johnathan Mercy: Everything was the opposite here from Vividlyvague's verse. This was some fantastic, dense writing that both kept me enamored from the beginning and left me wanting more but also feeling complete. I think the strength of that last line was really important for you, as it made the story seem whole in an allegorical sense. There's a lot to be said for the audacity of writing a truly complete 12-line verse that makes me not hold it against you that you went short. Your mechanics were strong, too. Obviously some opponents can write at this level for longer verses, and against them you wouldn't have fared well. But here, I'm a believer in quantity over quality.

Vote: Johnathan Mercy