frankly, i think you should work on dropping this compulsion to keep the same rhyme scheme for the entirety of your verses. its growing tiresome to read and what it manages to accomplish more than anything is restrict you in terms of any chance at honest expression or creative flexibility regarding rhyme-work. i understand the thrill of a challenge but you have nothing left to prove in that particular facet, even to yourself. what im interested in now is 1. something more introspective from you. a personal reflection. or 2. a very loosely worded flex verse that exercises pure content as opposed to allegiance to a particular rhyme slant.
as for this one, i really liked it. i think you chose something original and niche for the topic and although i never fucked with k2 or any of those concentrates when they were around (illegal in IL now, dunno about nationwide status) i have heard stories about them that sound more or less similar to the one you told here. people seem to experience highs more akin to a bad acid trip than anything. no thanks
the core idea was there but the execution was a bit lackluster. again, i believe the scheme nazism plays into this more and more as time goes on. but also because you jump from ideas that otherwise move in a very linear fashion. why is kurt in her purse? to steal from her or take her phone out to call her mom? i am left with plenty of similar questions about this. if he intended to rob her, this changes the whole tone of the verse to that end you know?
where you shined here was the creative and entertaining twist on the given topic. as well as you managed this verse, you could have done it even better if you cut yourself some slack.
thanks young pielanza
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Zack Wicks for president
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