[PancakeBrah]

I take the good with the less good (not necessarily bad) when I read your verses.

Cherry red blunts, illuminate the private lane of the dark alleyway like lasers ricocheting on turf.
Cause after a long day of work - me and my coworkers get into cipher circles rotating the earth.

This opening was sick. The second line, in particular. The use of 'ciphers' in the context of a text rap site to describe a group huddling together was a nice touch. The first line was a good description, also. Your greatest strength is description. Specifically, giving life to scenes we all know. Everyone here can recall cigarette cherries in the dark. So for you to do so so uniquely turns the mundane into a eye-catching statement.

"Heyyyyy Are You Okay???" A dazed-concern penetrating her maze of murk like sun rays through lakes, submerged

Thought this line was particularly good. You set up the situation, her reaction to what she smoked. The idea of an overdose-like situation (although this wasn't an overdose just a horrible substance). This described the look you would imagine, and it's well put. You can see the 'there but not' gaze with this line.

WARNING The following images may disturb...
Turn away now if squeamish, or IF feelings of faintness occur

This relates not only to your writing but your posting as well. You're a good writer but your own confidence and self-assured self-promotion makes people think you're even better than you. This isn't meant to be an insult, it's a tangible skill. You know how to set a scene and build anticipation. This fourth-wall breaking type of stuff can be corny but you handled it well.

Cursing insanely absurd in another language that goes against everything they say in my church.

Nothing particular to say, just enjoyed this line.

The corruption of the best things give way to the worst

I liked the subtle implication that weed is one of the best things.

Rachels brain has rotationally stirred to the point, her mind is a mush:
(Clay in terms of being able to shape it with words)

I'm a sucker for parenthetical phrasing (specifically with parentheses) in text. I use the technique quite a bit when writing non-story/open mic/descriptive pieces.

Ms durst, (Rachels mom) is on her way - they say she's a nurse.

Same as above. You can convey and expedite things so well when you use this tool.

Rachel tells us "don't tell my mother I was blazing the purp"
(Maybe they sprayed the bouquet with raid and labeled it purp?)

I'll get to why this is jarring later but you re-using rhyming words is a greater distraction than if a more conventional writer would do it.

The store wouldn't exchange or reimburse the money and we heard the guy who betrayed the girl was chained up with a curse

Bad wording.

In regards to the 'purp' re-use criticism. Your hallmark is keeping a rhyme scheme for extreme lengths. You insist upon it. So when you re-use a rhyming word it defeats the purpose. When someone reads your pieces they are following two things; the narrative and the repeating scheme. You have a knack for storytelling, obviously, but these verses are also read for sport. So while I'm tracking the trials of your characters I'm also peeping how you're going to make your scheme work for the entire piece. So when I run into an obvious repeat it takes me out of it. It's almost like you're admitting you should start a new scheme but you're instead forcing the issue. That's why the 'fumble your nuker' line became a semi-meme on this site. If you predicate your style on carrying one scheme and then shoehorn the fuck out of something you'll get called on it. You deserve props for the degree of difficulty but if you subvert that very degree than what's the point?

In regards to nik saying your verses are boring, I can see his viewpoint. I disagree vehemently, but I can see why he says it. Specifically for this verse. I'm a big fan of writing about smaller situations, everyday interactions and microcosm moments. There's a real skill to it, and it can be more informative and telling than some grandiose tale. But to some it will come off as irrelevant.

Overall, I thought this was pretty good. Definitely not your best, but worth the read. I think your better stories have a little bit more action.