Quote:
Originally Posted by Eŋg
i enjoyed this. you have talent. your rhyming was a bit uninspired at times, more for the fact you chose similar sounds to re-rhyme. those parts are technically repetitions, which is a legit technique in itself, but i kind of just thought it was used because you lacked either creativity or effort in instances. the wording was a bit stiff/unnatural in spots, also. it wasn't mundane, though, and held my interest throughout; the narrative was digestible. this was pretty solid, and i see room for improvement with potential to match (or exceed) that... so keep sharpening your skills. pz.
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Yea I wrote so much of it in a similar scheme and there was other I stuff I wanted to say, but was outside this scheme. I found it difficult to craft it from one scheme into another and back so I guess I was bein lazy or playin it safe. The last sorta, ten lines were by far my favorite, I admit lookin back on this that some of the rhymes in the middle don't seem to flow so well but yea I can always work at it.
It reads a certain way to seem overly forced in parts and in my own head, like audio wise, the flow is slightly different. Tryina convey that can be a bit difficult but thanks man you've given me food for thought.