[Certain]

El Pancake: I'm sure that you will be stunned to hear that I relate to this verse very much. I once had a conversation with a group of friends about my habit of creating entire backstories for everyone I see in public places, at the time thinking this was a normal habit and instead learning that I'm a weird and possibly a psychopath. I say "learning," but that all was well-established. Anyway, to my understanding, that level of character obsession is a common trait for writers, and this felt very real. I do think you spent a bit too much time developing our relatable protagonist. The heart of the verse came when you began to introduce the three antagonists and give us a better grasp of what the writer was doing, and while the introductory stanza was well written, it didn't have the content justification that the rest of the verse had. The conclusion was terrific, and I liked that you hadn't revealed that the two friends were male. Here's a structural rethink: Move the penultimate stanza above the three character sketches, combine that with a bit of the end and a bit of the beginning of the first stanza (not counting the opening line as its own stanza) and then lead those character descriptions right into the concluding stanza. I think that might have made it a bit more affecting, but I really liked this verse the way it was, too. And moreover, I know that not everyone will instantly relate to the protagonist and therefore might be more interested in seeing that character developed. The diction and rhymes weren't as flashy here as I'm used to from you, even in your more down-to-earth storytelling. That fit John's style, though, and it fits my appetite for fewer frills. Nothing was burying anything here. This was an exceptional verse.

oats: This had the feel of a Baron Mynd verse, a really good one at that. You weren't breaking any news here, merely putting your own spin on a well-trodden tale. But you did so with deftness throughout, and the approach to the topic was very, very creative. Your best moments were the sharpest-rhymed segments. I really loved "face of the Void beneath"/"base of the noiseless Deep" and a few other rhymes, and you mixed up the schemes enough to generate a feeling of flexiblity and keep your content in focus, which sometimes Baron Mynd's tightly formulaic adherence to scheme can cost him. But we already knew your rhymes and mechanics and diction were sharp. So let's talk about the content. I don't think this idea of God inventing the world because he was bored is new at all, but the lead-in part is what captivated me most by far because you were attempting to branch out beyond where the Bible starts. I liked that bit of philosophying the most, and I thought you wrote it very well. As you dug further and further into the Adam and Eve story, I fell a little bit out of the verse. It wasn't so much the retelling but rather the way you retold the story. You stuck largely to the basics and didn't add much to the characters other than God, whose character you really came back to more than anything else. It also seemed like the writing began to slip a bit, particularly in the sections where the serpent is making his way toward Eve and trying to explain to her why she should try the apple. Dialogue is tough in text rap, but I didn't feel like the serpent did a good enough job convincing her. You had a very cool concept, better than El Pancake's, and you mostly executed it very well. But I think the Adam and Eve inclusion was a bit of a misstep, even if it formed a familiar base for your verse.

Vote: El Pancake