mr pancake
im really impressed by this. first and foremost this is a very very solid piece of writing. that is what this is all about. nothing came across forced or awkward. the scheme wasnt anything insane, but i think that it serves better for this piece to be the way you did it. this was a very intriguing concept. serves as a character study, and a narrative at the same time. it was done very very well.
vs.
oats.
again man... im truly impressed by this. no issues or qualms with any of the wording. the diction and pacing in this were perfect. literally perfect for me. the content was obviously something that is pretty familiar to most, but it was done so refreshing. i also find the concept of the creative control being the implementation of sin. very interesting to reflect upon that though.
overall i really cant find an issue with either piece, and i guess it comes down to preference. i personally tend to enjoy anything that leaves a last impression or forces me to re-evaluate a though. whether its in writing on film. so for that reason my vote goes to oats. although it really is not 1,2. its more like 1a,1b. kudos to you both. i enjoyed this.
vote-oats
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