Starting with the full name of the main character is a bit of a lame approach, also trying to figure out if all the spelling mistakes were a deliberate character thing, if yes that was a cool stylistic detail. Didn’t really enjoy reading the switches between first person description and third person simile – E.g., “powerless in my cowardice but the man in me increases
the scene is set like a slaughterhouse without the rappers” + “hate dispersed through put downs, slurs and insults heard in between
resented worse than if a lepur or i murdered the queen” – it was too much switching around without having a clear enough cohesive driving point. MMLP’s tight focus on the classic good vs evil apocalypse setting was effective in comparison. It was pretty fun writing to read, the good vs evil isn’t the most original response but it had enough fantasy-like descriptions to be interesting – E.g., “before i knew it, i saw a one beastly mammoth monk” Voting for MMLP.
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