MMLP- ok, this was a decent concept/plot line but I feel you need to work on your wording and rhythm a little bit. It started of cool, first four lines or so and then just got sloppy and you made up some words ect. I just feel like you need to work some things out. I hope you stick around though because the potential is there. And I promise this league will improve your writing abilities, it did mine. There are some great writers here who for the most part are willing to give some advice. Peace
Doubt, dude I literally lol'd at the putting you in a casket man part haha. I dont know why, anyways I felt like you rushed through this just to get a piece written and didnt really put too much effort into this. There was a lot of weak rhyming in here and I feel you can also improve on your wording. I do however feel like you did enough to get the win this week though.
Mvgt-doubt
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