View Single Post
Old 04-26-2014, 06:19 PM   #6
timeless
past tense
 
timeless's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,623
Battle Record: 22-39



Rep Power: 4341329
timeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant future
Default

Vv, this was cool for the most part, besides that it seems like it isn't finished. Your take on the topic was vague, I guess you tried to make the ending out to be the main character not surrending, fight to the death. Other than that, your flow and overall content was good, just wish it was more rounded it couldve been dope. now after reading what cake had to say, I was thinking the same thing about the story lead week lol.

Jw, first things first, the natural storytelling ability you have is dope. Nothing seems forced and one of the only few people here where readers can glide through a verse in one read feeling complete. I felt this was rushed for you, judging by your past efforts, the the last 6-10 seem distance from the first part. Felt your ending couldve had more of an impact. Not bad though at all.

Vote - just write for the more complete and enjoyable read.
timeless is offline