i enjoyed this. you have talent. your rhyming was a bit uninspired at times, more for the fact you chose similar sounds to re-rhyme. those parts are technically repetitions, which is a legit technique in itself, but i kind of just thought it was used because you lacked either creativity or effort in instances. the wording was a bit stiff/unnatural in spots, also. it wasn't mundane, though, and held my interest throughout; the narrative was digestible. this was pretty solid, and i see room for improvement with potential to match (or exceed) that... so keep sharpening your skills. pz.
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