[PancakeBrah]

Smegma - I really enjoyed your verse until the last line which ruined it for me. I thought the wording, albeit a bit cliche, was strong and relatable throughout. I think this would have worked better as a stand-alone 'bad relationship' verse as opposed to the "surprise" twist of love=addiction/drugs=girl which has been done to death. If you had just pounded on the "one more chance" idea in a relationship and explored the various ways that can poison both people, which I thought you were doing, I'd have enjoyed this. As it stands now you have a good verse that shoots itself in the foot with its ending.

Mike Wrecka - I, personally, disliked poison-laced pizza and hardly ever order it as one of my toppings. This was solid. I prefer my character sketches to be in the third person but that's just preference, doesn't really effect the vote. I think I would have like a few more shades of gray but this character doesn't have that which is also fine. I thought the writing was good, especially the flow. You do use multi's but even when you don't you employ internals in such a way that you barely notice. The flow/rhythm of this piece was the strong point. Not one slip up in my read through. I liked the stabbing the neck/running out of breath line. The open casket funeral rhyme set was very smooth and I liked the wording. My only major gripe was that the tie-in to the concept was very obvious from the start. I figured it would be a victim asking for one more chance about four lines in. Not a huge negative but maybe something to work on for next week? Regardless, solid submission.

Both of you wrote well but I think smegma did himself a disservice with his ending. Not to say he'd have won if the twist wasn't there but it would've been very close. As it stands I think Mike wrote the more straightforward concept, and in this battle that's what stands out for me.

v/ Mike