oats - i like the scattered, unpredictable rhyme scheme, you didn't keep it the same the entire way through and peppered in good multis and internals in spots you weren't expecting, it was nice i like when pieces are done that way, a constant rhyme scheme can become tedious. so many good multis and internals throughout this piece, really well done rhyme scheme. the vocab in this piece was phenomenal, so many fantastic, unique words littered throughout the piece. the diction was smooth, imagery was descriptive. all around a well written piece man.
king ra - i felt some of your diction wasn't as smooth in spots i noticed a few hiccups. your rhyme scheme is very hit and miss, in spots you shown signs of rhyme scheme mastery and it creates such great flow, but you don't keep it consistent, and i feel a good topical has a good, consistent rhyme scheme. i thought this was a good piece, i'm not trying to say it's not but this is a champ match so i'm being nitpicky. it's a good story with good imagery and narration but i find a topical hard to stay interested in to follow along with there's not a good flowing rhyme scheme, so i fell in and out of these piece as u read it.
vote - oats, i felt his mechanics were a step above.
|