Phone vote!
Oats - first two stanzas were crazy good, but you somewhat fell victim to much imagery - descriptive with a tight flow, but not as much substance, direction, or purpose to the piece. a lot could have been cut out tbh. towards the end it was cool. the dividing from truth line was key, although some of the other questions you posed werent nearly as provoking imo (lights absence/noises presence was a forgettable contrast). anyway, the end was cool because i imagined both sides of the truth considering the end of your piece - countrymen among the wartorn capital trying to distract themselves from the horror at hand by changing the subject, by storytelling of faraway paradises, perhaps. and first-world citizens in the west growing bored of the discussing apartheid/genocide/war and moving on as if it was nothing. i think if you had done more of this and developed the concept rather than the imagery and the atmosphere it wouldve hit harder.
king ra - as far as storytelling goes this piece is pretty well developed. i mean the ending referenced the developments and points you made in the middle stanza and peho was a pretty full character relative to the length of the piece. the rising action-climax was done in a way that involved an imagery-laden exposition into the former, bubbling the pot over for our final explosions. however, the actual concept is pretty done. first world take third world third world strike back - there are ways to make it more original rather than the route you took, which was very straightforward imo. everything was technically there, but the concept didnt grab me
v - oats
both had solid execution, but oats edged it conceptually by a fair amount.
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