zygote: This was brilliant. The darkness of the end of the story was just the perfect finish, this cruel and unrelentingly genre-specific story. I'm guessing others weren't so praiseful, but I've always loved how you completely absorb topics into the very fabric of your writing style. I try to do the same. You completely embodied the topic and compelled me with the story this week.
MMLP: Presenting your verse like this, centered with commas offsetting rhymes without any grammatical purpose, really made it difficult to dig into the content. But once I did, this was a decent venting verse that was a bit loose with an admittedly difficult topic. The rhymes were what carried you, but I found some of the slants a bit too jarring. Your style reminds me greatly of your buddy Baron Mynd, for what that's worth. But a more creative approach to the topic was needed here.
Vote: zygote
__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
|