the crawling geometry - oh so beautiful, reticent
from the gate you jumped right into the slideshow of visualization. and although you did a fantastic job of keeping a metronomic rhythm paired with well executed rhyming, it felt a bit hollow to me until you hit this stride. the visualizer was present, but not the visionary. both of which i know exist in you as a writer regardless of the context. moreso than most of us.
Quote:
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the motion of your shoulders as they rolled to a broken C
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deli***y.
Quote:
everything is relative - we are not floating free
the gravity of the moment collapsed as I pulled you close to me
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this verse felt like the literary representation of a quickie. awesome and enjoyable but only for a brief moment. also it started slow but found a rhythm midway for the last 12 seconds.
whoever said you should write more verses like this was right. i say this a lot nowadays but this felt like part of a series..
thanks
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