Adonis - I agree in so much as your style, this almost broken-down-bar format you use plays to your strengths as a writer in my opinion. it's short, concise, and to the point. the shorter lines clearly help your flow a whole lot, and you had a few flashes of brilliance sprinkled throughout this, like the 'liquid symphony' which I thought was creative. I wasn't too sold on the angle you took this week, I just felt the ending lacked something, almost ended too abruptly after such an elongated look into the 'patient' Mr. Jones. I wanted a bigger pay off. It reminded me a little of Pancake's joint about the autistic dude in some aspects. Good read.
Mike Wrecka - I think this was a dope verse, top to bottom, would make for a great verse to one of those movie bar battles that pop up occasionally. I'm not familiar with all the film titles mentioned, but enough of them to get what you did. It was an original take to the topic given, even if it felt a little tacked on in the last six to ten lines or so. I actually felt this was the more entertaining verse of the two put up here, and that's key in my voting when the technical side isn't so much prominent from both writers like I felt it was here... tough one to justify, I can see why people have voted Adonis' way but I'm going to have to go the other way here and give my vote to Mike by a fleas nut hair.
|