[PancakeBrah]

Well this was good.

I think you do conversation better than almost everybody. At the same time, it's the smallest bit stilted for rhyme. Still so good. Very character.

As a personal preference, I think you over rely on the first name. Jerry. For me, if I were to write this, I'd say Jerry at the beginning and just push 'he' throughout. Maybe say 'Jerry' again at some pivotal point.

Your rhymes are so very good. Not Neighbor or Dull boy good. A different kind of good. Very contextual. You write with a point, knowing you have to tack on a syllable to match. Your content is very much more important than such frivolities.

The ending was everything. Most people who write here are so afraid. That's how I am in the AOWL, to cater to an audience. Here you just wrote. There were conversations. There was a plot. Ultimately, there's no real decisive ending. Just a slice of life, of awkwardness. We've all been there. Center of attention without 'them' knowing your own sense of self-worthiness. There are specks of a global spectrum here but that's not what you're going for. It's just, here's a thing. Champagne in a paper cup for future nostalgia you'll never long for. There's no crazy suicide topical ending. It's real life.

So well done.