Quote:
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Originally Posted by timeless
Each complete orbit the moon makes is important.
Tides stay on course with each new day in the morning,
how to accept defeat, and one day will be the end of their days.
There’s nothing they can do or say to stop her from sending waves
to attack the land mass. Which in return quakes, the ground loosens.
Ash pours from volcanoes disrupting the pace of cloud movement.
of the seemingly clueless and weak surface Earth possesses.
She wants to digest it, reformat life into lone sections.
Even with Earth and Nature fighting on a daily basis,
the war will end with peace on land when it’s been recreated.
This writing is for the survivors, the ones who stayed inside with
a new hole for human to stumble through. Sadly you wonder who
wanted to split apart the ground that’s been under you.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adonis
. These pearly gates aren't a hindrance.
They might glimmer remarkably gaudy.
But its purpose can't fail – If it does – Costly.
You see Saint...
Evil is...And I judge arbitrary.
If light repels dark, then being blinged out's necessary.
A Thousand years after my sons sacrifice.
Romans acted like – troglodyte.
Jerusalem captured. Massacre of Non-Christian.
That Snaky Bastard. He disintegrates my vision.
Ordained ironically; my cloth is slaying.
Religious genocide brought to life by my crosses gang.
Templar of the (k)night. Red flag.
Mr. Augustine.
Before you're permitted to pass,
Please explain how my names been attached...
To every war from year one
To Iraq?
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timeless, you have some nice multis. makes the verse flow smoothly, so it was an enjoyable read. but there were a few places where you might have used different word choices to convey the meaning of your verse more clearly. the syllables flow, but there were a few places where i had to double back to reread and figure out what you were trying to say.
adonis, you came up with a creative flip on the concept. i enjoy a good story verse. you use poetic imagery well. but I can also tell you're probably coming from battle writing because of the way your bars are structured in a setup to punchline kind of way. don't be afraid to experiment with your writing style.
This was a close battle to me. timeless had stronger rhymes in his verse, but adonis had a better story and concept. I could easily call this a tie. However, I am going to give the edge to
adonis, because I liked the creativity he showed in the way the concept was flipped. its the sort of thing that makes a reader remember this piece in the future.