[Fig]

I like that youre delving into storytelling now. Keep trying new things

The charters weren't fleshed out. I couldn't empathize with anyone because I felt that I didn't know about them. Try giving physical descriptions.

And that ending was a bit... melodramatic

try playing with different rhyme schemes. It gives your piece a lil pazaz or however you spell that shitty word.

You have potential though, you just need to keep writing and as a writer, continue to take risks

See you around