Mac:
The wording and grammatical issues throughout made this read a bit hard. The depth of the piece was also quite shallow, as it didn't offer much for the reader to chew on and basically just rehashed at least a dozen verses we've all read/heard before. I think if you worked on your grammatical issues, used spellcheck, and then came from a more creative angle, rather than just throwing your ideas at us, your verses would be much better..
Patrown: This read smooth... though, I wish you had been more creative than just literally tackling the topic.. but to each his own. I did like, however, how you chose to go the descriptive route and just keyed in on that moment of creation. I don't think I've seen you do that before
Quote:
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when fusion lost its fight against the forces pulling in
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thought that was nice
Vote: Patrown. He had a solid verse and that was really all that was needed to take this one..