[Adonis]

Oats – I really enjoyed your verse. A deep look into the mind of a battered soul/boy/man now who was abused. I loved the look into his mind, from the soldiers guarding these memories to the long dark stairs leading to the memories. Flow was decent, you had some instances that slightly veered, however, the content in those lines or bars were crucial to the narrative, so in a sense I actually appreciated them more, the “sacrificed flow” or rhyme for delving deeper into the story is always enjoyable for me. I loved the imagery, this entire verse read dark and damaged which is dope. I honestly don't have critique other than do you, cuz this verses start to fin was simply a fun, in depth read into the mind of character. Dope shit.


Vivy - Ends must meet for rice and meat to see table cloth... not the most common of sentence in a natural (American) conversation I must say. “The queen of our prom” “The only thoughts fit werebought this whole hard fifth and pain “ extra word maybe? Next line had melded a nice bar of flow, I don't know why the first line is off, it seemed you took time on wording. “Whore miss” IDK man. It's the same old thing again. Multie after Multie, conversation after conversation of gobbledygook for rhymes sake...Nay, dope rhymes, but none the less, the lines flow immaculate and sound aesthetically pleasing but as I read they decipher the meanings they dont make sense, just leaving me to scratch my head. Sure I get what you mean, but a topical is not just a rap, it's also a story, and yours is hindered by the flow, albeit extremely crisp, most likely too crisp of a flow. If that makes sense. “Two slit wrists” Nice ending to a good story, too many errors however in my personal/ honest and humble opinion.

Frank – Extremely long bars that flow for the most part, but then you end a line with “Re” in short for rebound for rhymes sake. NO. You also never really said exactly who you were, which is fine, except you mentioned “we” in the huddle, knew everything that happened during timeouts as well as what a man on a couch was doing. I guess you can simply be referring to the royal “we”, much like I do when I speak of the Raiders, but still a stretch when reading. Imagery was cool, but again, there were missteps in formatting of sentences while I read which would throw me off while reading disrupting any semblance of flow or cohesiveness I may I have mustered.

Vote oats for having a better verse overall in terms in content and meaning as well as a different approach to topic. He not only nailed the topic, but again did so while thinking out side of the AOWL 's box and did so talent laden.