Netcees - View Single Post - Week 4: YDK (2-1) vs. Adonis (2-1) \\ YDK wins 5-3

Pinot Grij · 03-23-2014, 11:23 PM

Adonis... I thought you did a good job of spinning off on some familiar source material. I read your verse in B.O.B.'s voice and cadence... it was enjoyable to read through because of that. Like I've said before, I think it's always easier to adapt a story that's already been told than to create your own narrative, but you did this in a fresh way.

YDK, atmosphere and tone were here with your piece, really capturing that war-torn vibe. I really couldn't pick up on it storywise though. I can't really conceive of how the child blames himself for the war, or for killing people. It didn't have enough plausibility for me.

Vote for Adonis

03-23-2014, 11:23 PM	#9
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Adonis... I thought you did a good job of spinning off on some familiar source material. I read your verse in B.O.B.'s voice and cadence... it was enjoyable to read through because of that. Like I've said before, I think it's always easier to adapt a story that's already been told than to create your own narrative, but you did this in a fresh way. YDK, atmosphere and tone were here with your piece, really capturing that war-torn vibe. I really couldn't pick up on it storywise though. I can't really conceive of how the child blames himself for the war, or for killing people. It didn't have enough plausibility for me. Vote for Adonis __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.