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Old 03-23-2014, 01:31 PM   #8
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25

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Champed
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- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
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Mr. J - Damn you for that ending! Hah, but nah, this was a cool type of verse. Your flow comes natural to you and I liked it. You addressed the topic but you came at it a bit obvious. Still, there were some thought provoking lines on display. The ending was ehhh but I'm sure you already acknowledge this.

King Ra - You can beat anyone in this league if you believe in yourself more. Just a small comment I wanted to make - to the verse, you had me with the beginning stanza, it was imaginative, and I liked the take on American consumerism being the death of our society, if that's what you were mainly trying to convey. The enjoyability factor was there.

My vote goes to King Ra.
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