[oats]

Zyg: I thought the whole premise of the verse was really interesting off the bat. This is the first instance I've come across where graffiti and enlightenment thinkers have been locked in a room together, and I think you did the metaphor justice in your explanations. I'm only marginally familiar with locke, hobbes, and bentham, so your syntheses were refreshing and provocative for me. It's hard to critique anything here - there were some couplets where the end rhymes flopped a bit for me (mural/all, order/father, etc), but those were minor in the big picture. Overall, this is the best verse I've read thus far this week.


Timeless: This was a strong showing. I liked the idea of hearing the "other side" of graffiti. Being on a hip hop forum, most of us probably share an appreciation of street art, but of course there is another angle to it, and you did well to present the shame and confusion of a street artist's father that didn't agree with it. The verse felt disjointed to me though. The first two stanzas seemed to set up a different story than was carried on. I connected it as those two stanzas created the reason for the son's foray into graffiti, while the rest was the father's response to it. But it felt, jumpy? Like there were gaps that should have been touched on/explained more.


Vote: This may be personal preference, but the metaphoric musings of Zygote just spoke to me more. Timeless has a lot of good elements in his verse, but they just didn't come together as well for me. Good shit to both.