ithink the feed is harsh. cuz of lack of depth!
There is a few discrepancies I noticed
"My heart hits tempers that cause octave timbres in odd offences "
That is a far stretch of words! You heart hits tempers(?) (?) that cause octave timbres, that's a far fetched pitch but, it isnt bad, its just the end that throws me off a tadbit! "odd offences" ? Hmmmm! Explain that one
the opening was a bit all over the places trying to intermingle rhyme schemes with words from previous stanzas, or over enunciate assonance like vowel undertones, in this case the "ui" monosyllabic extension is used but the line itself, seems a bit forced, causing the rhyme 2 suffer!!
"Musically, I'm So charged...
No farce, Im fluidly Harpo Marx w joke cards, and a gold harp "
oh my, youre all over the place rawn! But this isnt bad. It was a relaxed swaggy piece. keep on brethren
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