Netcees - View Single Post - Week 3: Just Write (2-0) vs. patrown (2-0) \\ Just Write wins 9-1

Pinot Grij · 03-16-2014, 10:12 PM

I like that these were the same topic and both went the comedic route. Dope showing from both.

Just Write, nice stuff, but goddaaaaaaamn that was long... even for me! I think you could've taken it down by at least 12 lines and still said everything you wanted to say. LMAO@ "You're overbearing with your relationship routes, & you suck at sex" ... there were some funny lines, the ChristianMingle section was the funniest. I felt a little burned by the ending, but there's nowhere it could really go given the topic. Nice stuff.

Patrown, you took the funnier angle with your piece, but I don't think you pulled it off as well. The writing was a little less crisp, I feel like you could fleshed (get it?) it out a bit more with a few details. Also, it went a little overboard with some of the shit... fuckin Atlantic tuna... man, that shit was out there. Pretty entertaining and funny, but I think JW just hit it better.

Vote for Just Write

03-16-2014, 10:12 PM	#7
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	I like that these were the same topic and both went the comedic route. Dope showing from both. Just Write, nice stuff, but goddaaaaaaamn that was long... even for me! I think you could've taken it down by at least 12 lines and still said everything you wanted to say. LMAO@ "You're overbearing with your relationship routes, & you suck at sex" ... there were some funny lines, the ChristianMingle section was the funniest. I felt a little burned by the ending, but there's nowhere it could really go given the topic. Nice stuff. Patrown, you took the funnier angle with your piece, but I don't think you pulled it off as well. The writing was a little less crisp, I feel like you could fleshed (get it?) it out a bit more with a few details. Also, it went a little overboard with some of the shit... fuckin Atlantic tuna... man, that shit was out there. Pretty entertaining and funny, but I think JW just hit it better. Vote for Just Write __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.