Hey man, thanks for the feed. As promised heres a returned feed.
I have a few critiques of this. First, I wasnt a fan of the first 2 lines. Homonyms works in audio but as a wrotten piece i feel it doesnt carry over as well. Week and Weak is the same sounding word so it came off rather lazy to me. The rhymings are a bit too prdictable to me but i like the content of that first stanza. It was a great set up for the rest of the verse. The main critique i had for this piece were Wordings and rhymimg. It felt very flat. In narratives, details are very important to me. I should be able to see, smell and hear the characters. I felt for the most part you were telling as oppose to showing. And the rhymes consists of mainly end rhyme. I would suggest fuckin around with different rhyming techniques to spice the verse up a bit.
However i do like the story. Its about a very emo cat dwelling in misery. The paradox here is that i like the story because i hated the character. I think he's depressed cause his wife died and later he found out that she was a cheat which drove him insane. I felt zero sympathy for this character because i found him annoying from the beginning. And because this verse was anle to draw out some kind of feeling out of me, it achieved what it was set out to do imo, despite the intent of the writer...if that made any sense at all lol. Overall this was entertaining piece. Good shit.
|